Friday, June 3, 2016

The Impending Unknown

 A rather long article by me, Kelsie Schmit, on effectively dealing with and personally resolving uncertainty.


Like a rabbit suddenly blinded by headlights on a dark night: trembling, we freeze. Our minds go blank, our throats clench. We are riveted in inaction. Rational thoughts and others’ reassurance fail us. This is the unsettling and gut-wrenching experience of being overwhelmed by the impending unknown. I know this feeling all too well, and chances are – if you are a Millennial, you do too. For it is not a question for Millennials IF you will deal with crippling uncertainty, but WHEN. It might be when your family friend asks you “what are your plans are after graduation?” or a colleague asks you “where do you see yourself in five years?”

I believe the overwhelming nature of uncertainty makes it all the more imperative that our generation becomes masterful at navigating the unknown and the uncertain. For although we may instinctively become catatonic when present to the blank canvas of our future - we individually and collectively cannot afford to remain petrified for too long. Too many big things in our future requiring action are at stake, not to mention the quality of our daily lives (#stresskills).

Who will your life partner will be? What will your college major be? Your first or second job be? What job do you want to have in 20 years? Where should you live and who with? How will you handle significant debt and/or stay out of debt? These are just some of the big life questions we Millennials are asking ourselves today. And even if you get all of those resolved for yourself – there will always be bigger, scarier questions lying in wait. This post is not about having all the answers for all of these questions, but rather how to live with yourself when you don’t.

Consider some of the below approaches as strategies to successfully navigate through and be at peace with your own uncertainty:


Look to your Core People

It is worth reflecting on who your “Core Team” is. This can also be referred to as your “board of directors”. These are the people you would call if your car broke down on the side of the road, or you would consult when making a big decision. It might include a friend or two, your parents, a trusted mentor. The key ingredient is these are people you deeply trust. 

Consider reaching out to them in times of uncertainty – they will likely have some great ideas for you that you have never previously considered. Furthermore, just knowing you have a community supporting you will empower you to take risks and explore as needed.


Get Grounded

What are your values? It is important you not only know the answer to this question for interviews. Your values are the core reflection of who you are. They also are your guiding lights – the golden cords that pull your forward and help you navigate through your life. People are most empowered and fulfilled when they are acting in accordance to their values.
Some common values are Honesty, Respect, Kindness. Here is a list of several to consider if you are looking to identify yours. Some of my top values are: Authenticity, Integrity, Generosity, Initiative, and Curiosity.

Any problem, choice or difficulty is much easier to navigate when framed by what you believe in. For example, if considering whether you should apply for a certain job – you could ask yourself – does this company’s mission reflect my values? Do I believe I could live out my values in this job? Finally, values also can help ensure you are keeping things in perspective, especially in the face of disappointment.

Admittedly this is a bit tongue and cheek...

Know Yourself

Building off of knowing your values, it is also important to be self-aware and know what makes you tick. Knowing who you are will not only help you make better decisions, but also empower you and build your confidence. Consider taking any/all of these personality tests: Myers-Briggs, Strength-Finders, Conflict-Assessment, The Four Temperaments, DISC… the list goes on. Hiring a life-coach or pastor could also provide you with important personal insights.

If you want the boot camp of self-awareness and personal empowerment, I highly recommend you consider taking the Landmark Forum and potentially some of Landmark’s follow-up courses.

Knowing yourself will help you identify potential roadblocks. It will also help you see why certain things may challenge you more than they do others. Alternatively, personal awareness also will help you learn your strengths and where/how you have the potential to make the biggest impact.


Take Initiative

I know I have been guilty before of thinking myself in circles. I get so worried about something I will turn the same thought over and over in my head. Anxiety and worry seem inescapable when we are consumed by them.

The most effective way I have found to disrupt this thought pattern has been to take initiative and take action. Do something, anything that will move you forward. Looking for a job? Go meet with someone new. Looking for a life partner? Ask your friends to set you up on a date. Taking one action gives us a sense of agency and control. I find it also makes whatever I am dealing with seem less insurmountable. Plus, often it is our inaction that gets us in the most trouble because then we end up sliding into a less desirable outcome. If we are able to be proactive, we can shape our futures and ultimately resolve for ourselves the unresolved.


Do Not Underestimate Your Network

When people are looking for jobs, I usually ask them who they are meeting with in their networks. Too  often they say “No one because I don’t know anyone in my network who does x” or “I don’t know that many people.” Challenging these assumptions I think is the key to networking.

First, make sure you are considering the wide variety of people you know. Sure there are college room-mates and teachers and colleagues you can reach out to. But don’t forget also your cousins, your old babysitter, your neighbor. Second, remember to consider networking chains – someone who will introduce you to someone who THEN might have the opening to your dream job.

When you are searching for something you want (anything btw, not just a job) my recommendation is just to start meeting with people. Your neighbor, your aunt, your dad’s old friend from high school… chances are they will know someone through some random connection (their kids’ school or church or alumni network) that can help you in whatever you are pursuing. It might take you a chain of 6 networking meetings to have the conversation with the person you really wanted to talk to in the first place – and that is ok! At least you got there!

A note – it is very important when you begin networking that you know what you want. For example, if you are looking for your life partner – you would want to say something like “I would like to be introduced to a guy who preferably is athletic, has a great job and loves his family.” This gives the person you are meeting with a chance to be creative but also something specific to help you with. Dead-end networking often results from the initiator having too specific or too broad/undefined of a ask. Thus, before going into ANY networking meeting I would highly recommend you be able to confidently articulate: “I want X.”


Find Healthy Distractions

Often a quest to resolve something for yourself is hard work. It may also require waiting at times or grappling with what to do next. Knowing this, it is important to recharge regularly and take a break from the task at hand through healthy distractions. Note – this does not mean avoid the issue at hand for long stretches of time – but rather take a break for a couple hours or a day and then come back to it with new perspective.

What do you lose yourself in? Get recharged by? Music? Exercise? Playing with LEGOS? Perhaps for you it is dancing or playing basketball or doing photography (note- binge watching Netflix shows can be relaxing but does not count as a hobby). Hobbies are also healthy because they balance us. They fulfill us and help our brains get into a new rhythm. They remind us of what we love and what we are good at. Finding healthy distractions for yourself is a good way to move through uncertainty with ease and grace.


Believe And Have Faith

Yes, I am going to use it – the GOD word. I have found for me personally looking to my Christian faith and trusting in God brings a certain clarity and reassurance to whatever I am dealing with. I encourage you, no matter what your belief set or existential resolutions are, to appeal yourself to the bigger picture. What can you put your trust in? Have faith in? Look forward to?

When we are searching we are often the most fearful and pessimistic. We can’t see how things will work out, so we naturally assume the worst. This however often has us give-up or struggle even more. Rather, consider taking on a perspective of cautious optimism. Belief in yourself, in others, in the divine will ultimately help give you courage to continue to strike out. Furthermore, this faith will also help you sleep at night, knowing that there are bigger forces perhaps that you are aware of working in your favor.


Overall, I hope your takeaway from some of the strategies above is to strike boldly forward in the face of YOUR questions – whatever they are. All in all, when dealing with the unknown I believe a “lean-in” approach is the key to our individual and collective success. This takes courage, grit and resolve – but ultimately I think is the critical mindset we need. I can personally testify that being personally willing to live into the uncertainty and press into the uncomfortable unknown without having all the answers unlocks great adventures, rich relationships and unforeseen solutions.


Finally, as my husband John always says – “It is always ok in the end. If it is not ok, it is not the end.”

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