Like a rabbit suddenly blinded by headlights on a dark night:
trembling, we freeze. Our minds go blank, our throats clench. We are riveted in
inaction. Rational thoughts and others’ reassurance fail us. This is the
unsettling and gut-wrenching experience of being overwhelmed by the impending
unknown. I know this feeling all too well, and chances are – if you are
a Millennial, you do too. For it is not a question for Millennials IF you will
deal with crippling uncertainty, but WHEN. It might be when your family friend
asks you “what are your plans are after graduation?” or a colleague asks you “where
do you see yourself in five years?”
I believe the overwhelming nature of uncertainty makes it
all the more imperative that our generation becomes masterful at navigating the
unknown and the uncertain. For although we may instinctively become catatonic
when present to the blank canvas of our future - we individually and
collectively cannot afford to remain petrified for too long. Too many big
things in our future requiring action are at stake, not to mention the quality
of our daily lives (#stresskills).
Who will your life partner will be? What will your college
major be? Your first or second job be? What job do you want to have in 20
years? Where should you live and who with? How will you handle significant debt
and/or stay out of debt? These are just some of the big life questions we Millennials
are asking ourselves today. And even if you get all of those resolved for
yourself – there will always be bigger, scarier questions lying in wait. This
post is not about having all the
answers for all of these questions, but rather how to live with yourself when you don’t.
Consider some of the below approaches as strategies to
successfully navigate through and be at peace with your own uncertainty:
Look to your Core
People It is worth reflecting on who your “Core Team” is. This can also be referred to as your “board of directors”. These are the people you would call if your car broke down on the side of the road, or you would consult when making a big decision. It might include a friend or two, your parents, a trusted mentor. The key ingredient is these are people you deeply trust.
Consider reaching out to them in times of
uncertainty – they will likely have some great ideas for you that you have
never previously considered. Furthermore, just knowing you have a community
supporting you will empower you to take risks and explore as needed.
Get Grounded
What are your values? It is important you not only know the
answer to this question for interviews. Your values are the core reflection of
who you are. They also are your guiding lights – the golden cords that pull
your forward and help you navigate through your life. People are most empowered
and fulfilled when they are acting in accordance to their values.
Some common values are Honesty, Respect, Kindness. Here is a
list of
several to consider if you are looking to identify yours. Some of my top values
are: Authenticity, Integrity, Generosity, Initiative, and Curiosity.
Any problem, choice or difficulty is much easier to navigate
when framed by what you believe in. For example, if considering whether you
should apply for a certain job – you could ask yourself – does this company’s
mission reflect my values? Do I believe I could live out my values in this job?
Finally, values also can help ensure you are keeping things in perspective,
especially in the face of disappointment.
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| Admittedly this is a bit tongue and cheek... |
Know Yourself
Building off of knowing your values, it is also important to
be self-aware and know what makes you tick. Knowing who you are will not only
help you make better decisions, but also empower you and build your confidence.
Consider taking any/all of these personality tests: Myers-Briggs, Strength-Finders,
Conflict-Assessment,
The Four Temperaments,
DISC…
the list goes on. Hiring a life-coach or pastor could also provide you with
important personal insights.
If you want the boot camp of self-awareness and personal
empowerment, I highly recommend you consider taking the Landmark Forum and potentially
some of Landmark’s follow-up courses.
Knowing yourself will help you identify potential
roadblocks. It will also help you see why certain things may challenge you more
than they do others. Alternatively, personal awareness also will help you learn
your strengths and where/how you have the potential to make the biggest impact.
Take Initiative
Take Initiative
I know I have been guilty before of thinking myself in
circles. I get so worried about something I will turn the same thought over and
over in my head. Anxiety and worry seem inescapable when we are consumed by
them.
The most effective way I have found to disrupt this thought
pattern has been to take initiative and take action. Do something, anything
that will move you forward. Looking for a job? Go meet with someone new.
Looking for a life partner? Ask your friends to set you up on a date. Taking
one action gives us a sense of agency and control. I find it also makes
whatever I am dealing with seem less insurmountable. Plus, often it is our
inaction that gets us in the most trouble because then we end up sliding into a
less desirable outcome. If we are able to be proactive, we can shape our futures
and ultimately resolve for ourselves the unresolved.
Do Not Underestimate Your Network
Do Not Underestimate Your Network
When people are looking for jobs, I usually ask them who
they are meeting with in their networks. Too often they say “No one because I don’t know
anyone in my network who does x” or “I don’t know that many people.” Challenging
these assumptions I think is the key to networking.
First, make sure you are considering the wide variety of
people you know. Sure there are college room-mates and teachers and colleagues
you can reach out to. But don’t forget also your cousins, your old babysitter,
your neighbor. Second, remember to consider networking chains – someone who
will introduce you to someone who THEN might have the opening to your dream
job.
When you are searching for something you want (anything btw,
not just a job) my recommendation is just to start meeting with people. Your
neighbor, your aunt, your dad’s old friend from high school… chances are they
will know someone through some random connection (their kids’ school or church
or alumni network) that can help you in whatever you are pursuing. It might
take you a chain of 6 networking meetings to have the conversation with the
person you really wanted to talk to in the first place – and that is ok! At
least you got there!
A note – it is very important when you begin networking that
you know what you want. For example, if you are looking for your life partner –
you would want to say something like “I would like to be introduced to a guy
who preferably is athletic, has a great job and loves his family.” This gives
the person you are meeting with a chance to be creative but also something
specific to help you with. Dead-end networking often results from the initiator
having too specific or too broad/undefined of a ask. Thus, before going into
ANY networking meeting I would highly recommend you be able to confidently articulate:
“I want X.”
Find Healthy
Distractions
Often a quest to resolve something for yourself is hard
work. It may also require waiting at times or grappling with what to do next.
Knowing this, it is important to recharge regularly and take a break from the
task at hand through healthy distractions. Note – this does not mean avoid the
issue at hand for long stretches of time – but rather take a break for a couple
hours or a day and then come back to it with new perspective.
What do you lose yourself in? Get recharged by? Music?
Exercise? Playing with LEGOS? Perhaps for you it is dancing or playing basketball
or doing photography (note- binge watching Netflix shows can be relaxing but
does not count as a hobby). Hobbies are also healthy because they balance us.
They fulfill us and help our brains get into a new rhythm. They remind us of
what we love and what we are good at. Finding healthy distractions for yourself
is a good way to move through uncertainty with ease and grace.
Believe And Have
Faith
Yes, I am going to use it – the GOD word. I have found for
me personally looking to my Christian faith and trusting in God brings a
certain clarity and reassurance to whatever I am dealing with. I encourage you,
no matter what your belief set or existential resolutions are, to appeal yourself to
the bigger picture. What can you put your trust in? Have faith in? Look forward
to?
When we are searching we are often the most fearful and
pessimistic. We can’t see how things will work out, so we naturally assume the
worst. This however often has us give-up or struggle even more. Rather,
consider taking on a perspective of cautious optimism. Belief in yourself, in
others, in the divine will ultimately help give you courage to continue to
strike out. Furthermore, this faith will also help you sleep at night, knowing
that there are bigger forces perhaps that you are aware of working in your
favor.
Finally, as my husband John always says – “It is always ok
in the end. If it is not ok, it is not the end.”
I love this!
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